Identifying Mr or Ms Wrong

Love is a risky business at the best of times but falling for a certain type of person inevitably causes unhappiness (or worse). Our relationships are probably responsible for around 90% of either our happiness or misery so we need to be careful about who we choose to let into our lives.

 

In the beginning of a romance people present the most pleasing version of themselves but if it is a really faked version chinks will show. No one is perfect but we need to be aware of the warning signs that the new person in our lives could turn out to be a disaster. Any of the following should ring alarm bells.

  • Heavy drinking, drug use, or gambling. Addictions are notoriously difficult to cure and addicts invariably poison the lives of people who care for them. It is also highly likely that the addiction is a symptom of a disordered personality, which brings many more unpleasant characteristics to deal with.
  • Any form of mistreatment or abuse including disrespect or dismissiveness. As well as the way they treat you, watch how they behave to service staff (waiters, shop assistants, etc) children, the elderly, disabled and animals. If they treat those they have power over badly it is a warning sign.
  • A violent temper and an inability to deal with frustration. If they explode over even little things, they will be very difficult or even dangerous to live with.

  • Acceptance of violence, aggression, hostility and personal attacks as a means of solving problems and disagreements.
  • Extreme jealousy. This may be flattering and look like a sign of love but it is a serious problem. People who suffer from morbid jealousy can never be completely reassured. In many cases jealousy is more about power and control than love.

  • Coming from a dysfunctional family. People who experience abuse themselves or see others being abused, who come from families were alcohol, drugs, violence or promiscuity are the norm or from families with mental health problems, are highly likely to lack the skills to make them good partner material.
  • Cruelty of any sort.

  • Blaming others and not accepting responsibility for their own faults, shortcomings or actions. You may well find yourself becoming their scapegoat for everything wrong in their lives.

  • A sense of superiority. If they assume they are better than others they will not see you as their equal.

  • Bad manners are a sign of an inconsiderate and selfish nature.
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